{"id":90,"date":"2025-02-01T07:36:35","date_gmt":"2025-02-01T12:36:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/?p=90"},"modified":"2025-03-02T10:03:16","modified_gmt":"2025-03-02T15:03:16","slug":"romantic-love-and-freedom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/romantic-love-and-freedom\/","title":{"rendered":"Romantic Love and Freedom"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There is a rather superficial view that romantic love and freedom are contradictory. Some people even recite Pet\u0151fi\u2019s widely known verses: \u201cLife is dear, love is dearer. Both can be given up for freedom.<\/em>\u201d I used to think this was just a joke, especially when people used it to explain why they were still single. But what shocked me was that many people seem to genuinely believe this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, from a philosophical perspective, are romantic love and freedom contradictory? In other words, if someone falls in love, does that mean they are simultaneously moving away from freedom? Or, if a person wants to defend their freedom, must they prevent themselves from falling in love?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea that romantic love and freedom are contradictory can only be understood under an extreme condition\u2014when freedom is understood solely as negative freedom, and romantic love is understood solely as interference from others. Perhaps this interpretation reflects some partial reality, as partners may sometimes feel their freedom is constrained. However, this is not the whole truth of life. More directly, if someone is in a romantic relationship but often feels that their freedom is restricted, it may be a sign that there is something wrong with the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n

Negative Freedom and Positive Freedom<\/h2>\n\n\n

Since we are discussing whether romantic love enhances or hinders freedom, we must first clarify what \u201cfreedom\u201d means. Today, there is a general consensus that freedom must be divided into two distinct meanings: negative freedom and positive freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy<\/em> defines negative and positive freedom<\/a> as follows:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Negative liberty is the absence of obstacles, barriers or constraints. One has negative liberty to the extent that actions are available to one in this negative sense. Positive liberty is the possibility of acting \u2014 or the fact of acting \u2014 in such a way as to take control of one\u2019s life and realize one\u2019s fundamental purposes. While negative liberty is usually attributed to individual agents, positive liberty is sometimes attributed to collectivities, or to individuals considered primarily as members of given collectivities.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Wikipedia<\/em> explanation is even clearer<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Positive liberty<\/strong> is the possession of the power and resources to act in the context of the structural limitations of the broader society which impacts a person’s ability to act, as opposed to negative liberty<\/a>, which is freedom from external restraint on one’s actions.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

True freedom must encompass both negative and positive freedom. Negative freedom allows one to be unrestricted, while positive freedom provides more possibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having only negative freedom is insufficient because it does not define any actions. Life requires continuous action. For instance, a homeless person who is capable of working but chooses to beg on the streets enjoys all the negative freedoms protected by law, just as a wealthy person does. However, very few people aspire to live this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Similarly, merely having positive freedom is also inadequate. Entrepreneurs and capitalists who possess significant resources undoubtedly enjoy a level of positive freedom that ordinary people do not. However, if they constantly fear having their assets confiscated, losing control of their businesses, being wrongfully accused of crimes, or being forced into interactions they dislike, their lives would hardly be fulfilling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, true freedom must be a combination of both negative and positive freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n

Romantic Love, Choice, and Freedom<\/h2>\n\n\n

Having clarified the nature of true freedom, let us return to the question of what it means to choose romantic love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many working adults may complain that life after entering the workforce is less free compared to their student years, just as some people in relationships or marriages may complain that they feel less free than when they were single. But what does \u201cfreedom\u201d mean in this context? We can compare student life or singlehood to aimless wandering, while working life or being in a relationship is akin to a guided tour following a predetermined route. Clearly, this refers to negative freedom, as working and being in a relationship impose certain constraints\u2014waking up on time, maintaining a schedule, frequently coordinating actions with a partner, and remaining faithful, among other responsibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While people often compare marriage to work, since we are discussing romantic love as an essence rather than marriage as a structure, it is more appropriate to compare romantic love to a passion or hobby. For example, if someone discovers a love for painting in their youth and continues painting throughout life, deriving joy and meaning from it, painting becomes their spiritual pillar. They feel that their will is realized, making them free. Clearly, once this person falls in love with painting, they lose the \u201cfreedom\u201d to love other hobbies in the same way\u2014perhaps they will never be passionate about rock music, mountaineering, or playing the piano. Painting becomes part of their identity, yet few people lament the loss of this negative freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Similarly, when a university student chooses a major, they lose the freedom to study all subjects equally. Though they might have the option to change majors, their diploma will ultimately specify only one or at most two areas of study. Few people regret losing the freedom of \u201cuniversal learning\u201d after making a decision. If someone chooses literature, it means they are not particularly interested in most other fields, such as chemistry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Specialization is not only a societal necessity but also an inevitable aspect of life. To gain positive freedom, one must sometimes forgo some negative freedom. This is a fundamental truth of life and the essence of making choices.<\/strong> Generally, making a choice signifies the realization of free will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Romantic love is also an inevitable part of life. When a person meets someone special at a particular time and place, certain things are bound to happen. What they can choose is whether to follow their feelings and summon the courage to make a move. Since these emotions arise inevitably, they are almost a certainty, and thus, freedom is not a relevant consideration here. Just as hunger is a natural response to not eating for a day, and one has no \u201cfreedom\u201d to not feel hungry, the concept of freedom is empty and meaningless in the realm of inevitability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So now, having met this person and felt an emotional surge, do you take action? If you do, and your approach is met with success, this means that the inevitable emotion has been realized. Since realization was only a possibility before, and you have now actualized it, you have taken control of your life and gained agency. This signifies an achievement of freedom\u2014positive freedom\u2014because it means you are actively shaping your reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are fortunate enough that the person you approached turns out to be someone you deeply admire, and love blossoms between you both, leading to a romantic relationship, then your life will become significantly defined. You will have relinquished many aspects of negative freedom\u2014such as the freedom to date others, to act entirely independently, to indulge in certain habits, or to resist accommodating your partner\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short, choosing romantic love means giving up some degree of negative freedom while achieving positive freedom. Next, we will delve deeper into the relationship between romantic love and freedom in daily life.<\/p>\n\n\n

Romantic Love, Life, and Freedom<\/h2>\n\n\n

Previously, we discussed that positive freedom refers to the possibility or reality of taking action to control one\u2019s life and achieve one\u2019s fundamental goals. Essentially, this can be understood as self-realization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At its core, romantic love is a deep-rooted human desire, and fulfilling this desire is an important aspect of self-realization. Conversely, when one\u2019s romantic love remains unfulfilled, they often feel unfree, encountering barriers and obstacles. This is the common struggle of those experiencing unrequited love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, once in a romantic relationship, the mutual support provided by both partners plays a crucial role in enabling self-realization in other aspects of life. This support is primarily emotional and secondarily material. For instance, if a woman loves painting but lacks confidence in her skills, her boyfriend or husband can provide emotional encouragement, motivating her to persist in her passion and even turn it into a career. Such deep and ongoing support is difficult to find among friends. Additionally, romantic partners help each other in breaking bad habits and cultivating positive ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Romantic love not only strengthens one\u2019s pursuit of personal goals but also helps people discover new meanings in life. Those newly in love often feel that life is full of purpose\u2014they find life worthwhile and recognize the responsibility to sustain and nurture that love. This newfound sense of meaning extends beyond just maintaining the relationship and spreads to other areas of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, while single individuals might seem free in some ways, this freedom\u2014according to Hegel\u2019s philosophy\u2014is a primitive and somewhat pastoral type of freedom. People who have achieved success and retired early may initially enjoy this kind of freedom, but they often find themselves overwhelmed by boredom before long. A life ruled by boredom is, in a deeper sense, unfree. True freedom lies in returning to oneself through romantic relationships. When people fall in love, they come to know themselves better through their partners, experiencing recognition and understanding. This process leads them back to themselves with a greater sense of self-awareness, thus bringing them closer to true freedom. Many who enter romantic relationships discover new facets of themselves\u2014parts of their identity that remained hidden or unnoticed during single life. This deeper self-awareness is an essential part of achieving real freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n

Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n

If romantic love were merely a loss of freedom, then it would not be something to admire. After all, the essence of the human spirit is freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fortunately, this is not the case. While true romantic love inevitably brings some loss of negative freedom, it provides an incredibly rich return in positive freedom. In other words, the rewards of positive freedom far outweigh the cost of losing some negative freedom. Thus, in reality, romantic love offers a net increase in freedom.<\/strong> And since truth must not only be experienced but also recognized, if people firmly believe in the liberating power of romantic love, they will undoubtedly gain more happiness and fulfillment from it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is a rather superficial view that romantic love and freedom are contradictory. Some people even recite Pet\u0151fi\u2019s widely known verses: \u201cLife is dear, love is dearer. Both can be given up for freedom.\u201d I used to think this was just a joke, especially when people used it to explain why they were still single. But what shocked me was that many people seem to genuinely believe this. So, from a philosophical perspective, are romantic love and freedom contradictory? In other words, if someone falls in love, does that mean they are simultaneously moving away from freedom? Or, if a person wants to defend their freedom, must they prevent themselves […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"everybody","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/romantic-love-and-freedom.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[20],"class_list":["post-90","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-philosophy","tag-romantic-love"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/romantic-love-and-freedom.jpg?w=1000&resize=1000,667&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":163,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/trialogue-is-romantic-love-unique\/","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":0},"title":"Trialogue: Is Romantic Love Unique?","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"03\/22\/2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Editor\u2019s Note: This dialogue brings together two enthusiastic discussants of this blog, Orcan\u00e8te and ImageNoise, and the blogger Stephen Leng to discuss the topic of uniqueness in romantic love. 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