{"id":142,"date":"2025-09-29T00:38:56","date_gmt":"2025-09-29T05:38:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/?p=142"},"modified":"2025-09-29T00:41:11","modified_gmt":"2025-09-29T05:41:11","slug":"lacan-in-the-matchmaking-ad-postmodernism-and-feminism-through-the-lens-of-costly-signaling-theory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/lacan-in-the-matchmaking-ad-postmodernism-and-feminism-through-the-lens-of-costly-signaling-theory\/","title":{"rendered":"Lacan in the Matchmaking Ad: Postmodernism and Feminism Through the Lens of Costly Signaling Theory"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One day, I happened to see a WeChat Offical account post a matchmaking ad for a young woman. For various reasons of relevance, I clicked in with interest. Three things caught my eye: first, she required the man to provide a marital home in Shanghai; second, she refused premarital sex. Let\u2019s pause there for a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sent the ad to a friend and asked why this woman would write \u201cno premarital sex,\u201d since that demand is, by rights, quite rare today. My friend\u2019s answer made everything click for me. He initially said he respected the request\u2014after all, some women do worry it\u2019ll be harder to find a partner later, because some men really do have a \u201cvirgin complex.\u201d But after reading the whole ad, he changed his mind: \u201cI get the feeling it\u2019s because she\u2019s commodified herself. Otherwise she won\u2019t be able to get a house.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next, let\u2019s discuss the third noteworthy item. She wrote that she is proficient in Lacanian psychoanalytic theory<\/strong>. It\u2019s important to stress that she studies the humanities; she\u2019s not a clinical counselor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve previously expressed my distaste for the current glut of psychoanalysis\u2014especially Lacanian\u2014across the humanities and social sciences. I\u2019ve also noticed how China\u2019s contemporary feminist circles treat feminist books like a kind of circulating currency, and I\u2019ve analyzed Chizuko Ueno\u2019s traits as a kind of \u201cspiritual nouveau riche.\u201d I\u2019m not here to vent again. I want to examine, in detail, why this woman would highlight her proficiency in Lacanian psychoanalysis in a matchmaking ad openly pitched to the marriage market\u2014and why so many women online take pride in mastering feminist jargon. Only recently did I figure this out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In evolutionary physiology and evolutionary psychology there\u2019s a theory called \u201ccostly signaling.\u201d It says that individuals or groups adopt behaviors or traits that are expensive to produce in order to signal underlying qualities such as ability, commitment, or status. These signals are reliable because they impose heavy costs, making them hard for less qualified or less committed individuals to fake. In the language of information economics, a signal is information voluntarily emitted by the party with private information to indicate its characteristics or intentions, with the goal of shaping the other party\u2019s judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When people bring up costly signals, they often cite a classic example from the animal world: the peacock\u2019s tail. To attract peahens, the peacock displays a huge, colorful, intricate tail. But that tail costs a lot of energy to grow and maintain; it also makes the peacock more visible to predators and hampers movement. The peacock\u2019s tail is a costly signal\u2014flashy but functionally useless; yet as a mating signal it works because it showcases physiological health and reproductive fitness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In human affairs, diamonds are a textbook costly signal. They\u2019re flashy but functionally useless; it\u2019s said that wearing one on your hand is literally a burden for women, and it costs men a fair bit of money. A six-pack is also a costly signal: the effort required to carve it out goes far beyond ordinary exercise for basic health. Tattoos likewise: people get them to flaunt some ideological commitment, at the cost of permanent damage to the skin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Costly signals impose costs\u2014and precisely because of those costs, the signals are reliable and useful. A diamond strongly indicates a man isn\u2019t broke; a six-pack strongly indicates someone loves training; a tattoo strongly indicates the person truly believes in that ideological thing. All of this helps raise one\u2019s social standing and mate value.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, can mere ideas also function as costly signals? What do they signal? And what costs do people pay to emit them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some scholars have recently proposed that postmodernism is itself a costly signal. For instance, Edward Dutton and Dimitri van der Linden explicitly argue<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Adherents to these clever silly ideas can also compete in terms of intelligence precisely because postmodernism is logically flawed and the ability to defend it would require the kind of intellectual gymnastics that would be aided by high intelligence. The verbose nature of postmodern writing is also a means of showing-off ones verbal intelligence. In addition, it has been suggested that the advocacy of such ideologies performs the same function as a peacock’s tail, a kind of “costly signaling” (Woodley, 2010). Adopting a highly complex idea, even if it is wrong, showcases the intelligence necessary to adopt such an idea at all in a way that espousing a simpler (though correct) idea does not. Accordingly, a person strongly focused on his own status (which would be predicted by the selfishness inherent in low Agreeableness) would be attracted to seemingly complex ideas, especially if he does not want to bear the possible costs (e.g. ostracism) of publicly announcing the silliness of such ideas or if he lacks sufficient intelligence to see through them.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Postmodernism does fit the profile of a costly signal. It\u2019s highly complex, opaque, and esoteric, and it even comes with a certain aesthetic of the exotic\u2014all of which demand considerable intelligence and effort to understand. That\u2019s enough; it\u2019s sufficient to entice many humanities students whose mental energy has no practical outlet to pay the cost. The works of Sartre, Foucault, Derrida, Beauvoir, Lacan, and Althusser are notorious for being obscure and contrived. Whether these writings have genuine intellectual merit or make the world any better is beside the point. As long as they raise the cognitive entry barrier and let their followers preen about having crossed it, that\u2019s enough. In this way, they\u2019ve acquired the peacock\u2019s splendid tail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That, I think, is why Lacan shows up in a matchmaking ad: the advertiser wants to signal not only that she earned a degree from a prestigious university, but also\u2014through Lacan\u2019s theory\u2014that she\u2019s a truly thoughtful person with above-average intelligence, because she has the brains to understand, research, and tinker with something guarded by a high cognitive barrier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What she may not realize is this: she might have spent vast amounts of time reading and researching Lacan, perhaps even writing a thesis that applies Lacanian theory to a literary text\u2014but all that effort has been consumed by showy intellectual exercises, rather than invested in real intellectual combat. Did she offer people a new interpretation of that text? Certainly. But that interpretation carries no objective significance; it contributes nothing of substance to the world or to the development of the humanities. It\u2019s like the fragmented images in dreams\u2014rich, colorful, wildly imaginative. You wake and strain to retain them, yet they have no concrete bearing on life. So taking postmodernism as a costly signal doesn\u2019t just exact a cost from oneself; it exacts a cost from the humanities and from the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for writing down one\u2019s intellectual preferences in a matchmaking ad, the motivation is plain as day\u2014by flaunting her intellect and interests, she flaunts her social status, thereby raising her mate value. True, only people like me, who know what the name \u201cLacan\u201d signifies, can grasp what she\u2019s doing; 99% of men on the marriage market have no idea who Lacan is. But as long as it gives them that \u201cI don\u2019t understand it, but it seems impressive\u201d feeling, it suffices. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Postmodernism demands a higher level of intelligence; feminism does not demand quite as much. If postmodernism is a costly signal chosen by people with comparatively higher intelligence, then those who take feminism as a costly signal\u2014not all feminists, to stress, but the show-boating kind\u2014tend to be people with more middling intelligence. In other words, defending the feminist system doesn\u2019t require especially high intelligence, so it isn\u2019t enough for smart people who need to prove their value; it mainly attracts people of more average intelligence seeking to display theirs. This helps explain why many radical feminists are often recent converts (the smart ones depart not long after), and why some clever feminists forcibly yoke feminism to postmodernism\u2014because backing feminism alone doesn\u2019t sufficiently showcase their IQ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As someone who studies intellectual history and human reasoning, I want to study ideas for the sake of ideas themselves, and I\u2019m highly alert to using ideas as mere tools to achieve other ends. Universities should not award degrees to those engaged in pure intellectual peacocking. To some extent, of course, talking about certain ideas as a way of signaling social status or IQ is unavoidable. But I believe we should strive to connect that subjective meaning to objective meaning; only then will our actions carry true significance for ourselves and for the world. A truly intelligent person ought to do something that genuinely benefits this world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One day, I happened to see a WeChat Offical account post a matchmaking ad for a young woman. For various reasons of relevance, I clicked in with interest. Three things caught my eye: first, she required the man to provide a marital home in Shanghai; second, she refused premarital sex. Let\u2019s pause there for a moment. I sent the ad to a friend and asked why this woman would write \u201cno premarital sex,\u201d since that demand is, by rights, quite rare today. My friend\u2019s answer made everything click for me. He initially said he respected the request\u2014after all, some women do worry it\u2019ll be harder to find a partner later, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":144,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-criticism"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=1920,1075&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":137,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/on-the-shanghai-marriage-market\/","url_meta":{"origin":142,"position":0},"title":"On the Shanghai Marriage Market","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"09\/20\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"What many Chinese people may not know is that the Shanghai Marriage Market is internationally famous, and it\u2019s a spot many foreign travelers to Shanghai make a point of visiting. It has a detailed English Wikipedia entry, yet not even a Chinese one. Several English-language travel sites have written how-to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cultural Criticism"","block_context":{"text":"Cultural Criticism","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/cultural-criticism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":146,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/capitalism-is-the-best-era-for-romantic-love-and-where-erich-fromms-the-art-of-loving-goes-wrong\/","url_meta":{"origin":142,"position":1},"title":"Capitalism Is the Best Era for Romantic Love \u2014 and Where Erich Fromm\u2019s The Art of Loving Goes Wrong","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"10\/04\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"For people on the Left, nothing seems easier than sitting in one\u2019s study, nightcap on, brooding over the defects of capitalism and posting lofty takes on social media. I could do that too, but playing the cynic isn\u2019t really my style. The dramatic collapse of communism in the Soviet Union\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cultural Criticism"","block_context":{"text":"Cultural Criticism","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/cultural-criticism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":150,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/raising-children-can-be-seen-as-humanitys-most-common-selfless-act\/","url_meta":{"origin":142,"position":2},"title":"Raising Children Can Be Seen as Humanity\u2019s Most Common Selfless Act","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"10\/25\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Ever since there have been human beings, we have, like other animals, reproduced without pause. In most cultures, raising children functions almost like an auto-program installed in the brain. Genuine reflection on parenting itself may be largely a modern development, and a scientific understanding of it has only really emerged\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Philosophy"","block_context":{"text":"Philosophy","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/philosophy\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":19,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/learning-to-smile\/","url_meta":{"origin":142,"position":3},"title":"Learning to Smile","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"12\/08\/2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Years ago, when haze enveloped many cities in China, we wore N95 masks when we stayed outside. One problem I soon noticed was that we couldn't see each other's expressions on their faces when we wore the masks; if I smiled, others didn't know it, and vice versa. A friend\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Essays"","block_context":{"text":"Essays","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/essays\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":127,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/eating-while-looking-at-your-phone\/","url_meta":{"origin":142,"position":4},"title":"Eating While Looking at Your Phone","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"09\/13\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"One afternoon, I was installing a custom Rom on my phone. Even though it was a 2024 model, it still only had USB 2.0, so data transfer was painfully slow\u2014and I had a lot to back up and restore. Dinner time rolled around and the job still wasn\u2019t done, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Technology"","block_context":{"text":"Technology","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DALL\u00b7E-2025-05-06-11.15.45-.png?w=1024&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DALL\u00b7E-2025-05-06-11.15.45-.png?w=1024&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DALL\u00b7E-2025-05-06-11.15.45-.png?w=1024&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DALL\u00b7E-2025-05-06-11.15.45-.png?w=1024&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":163,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/trialogue-is-romantic-love-unique\/","url_meta":{"origin":142,"position":5},"title":"Trialogue: Is Romantic Love Unique?","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"03\/22\/2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Editor\u2019s Note: This dialogue brings together two enthusiastic discussants of this blog, Orcan\u00e8te and ImageNoise, and the blogger Stephen Leng to discuss the topic of uniqueness in romantic love. The main text was completed independently and sequentially by the three participants, while the comment section is expected to host further\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Philosophy"","block_context":{"text":"Philosophy","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/philosophy\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/A-Three-Way-Conversation-Is-Romantic-Love-Unique.png?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/A-Three-Way-Conversation-Is-Romantic-Love-Unique.png?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/A-Three-Way-Conversation-Is-Romantic-Love-Unique.png?w=1920&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/A-Three-Way-Conversation-Is-Romantic-Love-Unique.png?w=1920&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/A-Three-Way-Conversation-Is-Romantic-Love-Unique.png?w=1920&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/A-Three-Way-Conversation-Is-Romantic-Love-Unique.png?w=1920&resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=142"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/142\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":145,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/142\/revisions\/145"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}