{"id":137,"date":"2025-09-20T00:28:19","date_gmt":"2025-09-20T05:28:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/?p=137"},"modified":"2025-09-20T00:28:21","modified_gmt":"2025-09-20T05:28:21","slug":"on-the-shanghai-marriage-market","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/on-the-shanghai-marriage-market\/","title":{"rendered":"On the Shanghai Marriage Market"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What many Chinese people may not know is that the Shanghai Marriage Market is internationally famous, and it\u2019s a spot many foreign travelers to Shanghai make a point of visiting. It has a detailed English Wikipedia entry, yet not even a Chinese one. Several English-language travel sites have written how-to guides for visiting it. There are also numerous videos about it on YouTube. \u2014By contrast, Chinese tourists rarely think of paying it a special visit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to go, you should arrive on a weekend between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. As long as you enter at the right time through Gate 5 of People\u2019s Park (near People\u2019s Square metro station), what greets your eyes is the notorious Shanghai Marriage Market. Come at any other time and it\u2019s just an ordinary, peaceful city park where lots of elderly folks stroll\u2014one whose look-alikes can be found in many Chinese cities. The difference is simply that this one sits right by the famous Nanjing Road in Shanghai.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Countless ads printed on plain paper are densely arrayed along both sides of the path. Their format is much like what you see on online matchmaking apps: the first half is basic personal information, and the second half lists preferences or requirements for a partner. Most are printed; a small portion are handwritten. Because the paper is small, each ad can only contain very limited information, so visitors can scan all of them fairly quickly and draw some general, preliminary conclusions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some foreigners come because they\u2019ve heard of it, and they stand and look even if they probably can\u2019t read Chinese. I saw one conscientious foreign tourist who had hired a private guide; she asked careful questions, and the guide worked hard to explain what was happening here. The Shanghai Marriage Market is a particularly suitable object for anthropological research.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The subjects of these ads range from people born in the 2000s to those born in the 1950s, though the overwhelming majority are from the 1990s and 1980s. In terms of education, salary, and job prestige, every situation exists\u2014even if people are more likely to remember the ones who are 985 or overseas graduates, earn several hundred thousand yuan a year, or work as corporate executives or university instructors, rather than those with vocational diplomas, unspecified incomes, or jobs like nurse or security guard. Not everyone has a Shanghai hukou<\/em>, nor is everyone\u2019s ID number one that begins with 310. Incredibly, some even write that they are \u201cParty members.\u201d Although most ads don\u2019t state a regional requirement, since this is the Shanghai Marriage Market, it\u2019s presumably assumed the other party is at least currently living in Shanghai.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Titles aren\u2019t necessary, but one amusing title I saw was \u201cPretty Girl,\u201d set in bold, oversized type. A dazed tourist seeing it might think they\u2019d just picked up a sex-service flyer from the ground. Another ad was titled \u201cMarriage Certificate Not Processed,\u201d and in that limited space much of the text was devoted to explaining that, due to \u201cproblems on the man\u2019s side,\u201d the relationship ended three days after getting the certificate\u2014yet the problem is that this leaves visitors with the impression of nothing more than a \u201cwoman who hasn\u2019t processed the certificate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One ad was handwritten in barely legible script. The only self-introduction was \u201cMale, born 1975, Shanghainese,\u201d and the requirements were equally simple: \u201cwoman with a university degree and a job,\u201d or \u201cunmarried woman under 25.\u201d Clearly this 50-year-old middle-aged man seems to believe that the power of his exalted Shanghai hukou<\/em> is equivalent to U.S. citizenship. Maybe he\u2019s extraordinarily rich? That said, there really are people currently living in Canada and claiming to hold a green card who post ads here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But if you hope to see anything truly interesting here, you may well be disappointed, because this place does not welcome people who come to subvert it through irony; those who come are serious about finding a partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many ads are unattended, or temporarily unattended. Others have someone watching over them, but most of those watchers are mask-wearing middle-aged brokers\u2014\u201caunties\u201d or \u201cuncles\u201d\u2014rather than the subject\u2019s parents, let alone the subjects themselves. It appears that for the younger ones, either the parents themselves or agents hired by the parents place the ads, whereas older subjects tend to hire agents on their own. Some broker-aunties will stop tourists from taking photos, saying it\u2019s \u201cpeople\u2019s privacy,\u201d but such a demand is supported neither by law nor by common sense: information that is publicly and explicitly displayed in a city square cannot, at the same time, claim privacy\u2014that\u2019s logically incoherent. Moreover, although matchmaking ads may look like private matters, in fact they cannot be matched to any specific individual, so they can be regarded as data irrelevant to any identifiable person. The only thing that might constitute privacy is the phone number, yet that is often the agent\u2019s or the parents\u2019. And some subjects have clearly purchased multiple agency services, because I saw the same person\u2019s ad at different stalls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I wandered, I also overheard broker-aunties chatting with people who seemed interested. The aunties do possess professional ability and basic ethics; when promoting the person they\u2019re responsible for, they are warm and earnest, repeatedly suggesting that people \u201cadd WeChat first\u201d to take a look, or telling them to come back after lunch. I found these sales routines quite entertaining, because scenes like this that I\u2019d previously encountered were usually about pitching some material product\u2014rather than a person as a product. Of course, I didn\u2019t strike up a conversation with these aunties, because they clearly had no time to chat with an idler like me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was reminded of my middle-school days, when on weekend nights I would often whisper with a roommate, secretly appraising girls in our class or girls in other classes we both knew (after I entered high school I never did this again, because my moral sense had risen to the point where even whispering about such topics was off-limits). I imagine that if you have a close friend, coming together as \u201cmiscellaneous bystanders\u201d to visit the Shanghai Marriage Market\u2014browsing the ads while whispering comments about them\u2014would be quite fun, just like a few boys in middle school standing at the window together and commenting on girls walking in the distance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Would this be a problem? I don\u2019t think so. Since the matchmaking market has already commodified people, why shouldn\u2019t we have the right to review the commodities? (In fact, these ads are essentially data that cannot be matched to any concrete individual.) If we don\u2019t even have the freedom to review commodities, is this still a normal market? (It\u2019s like how negative reviews of certain brands now get deleted and accounts banned.) We are, in essence, commenting on commodities, not on persons. If we were commenting on the person, that would of course be taboo. And I think friends joking and critiquing these ads together is better than another outcome: leaving the visit fired up to raise one\u2019s \u201cmarket value\u201d in the matchmaking bazaar and sprint with all one\u2019s might toward vulgarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All right\u2014back to the point. In You Should Stop Matchmaking and Start Dating<\/em> I already made clear my basic attitude toward matchmaking, and I compared the Shanghai Marriage Market to China\u2019s Sodom and Gomorrah. There\u2019s no need here to trot out the relevant principles and empirical research again. I will confine myself to pointing out the problems with the practice of public matchmaking advertising\u2014represented by the Shanghai Marriage Market\u2014occurring in public spaces across Chinese cities. In my view, the efficiency of public matchmaking markets must be extremely low.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Deceptiveness of Matchmaking<\/em> I have already discussed the factors Chinese parents consider when picking partners for their children: the other party\u2019s parents\u2019 occupations, pensions, real-estate holdings, as well as the other party\u2019s job and education. These external factors are not important to how an intimate relationship actually functions. Furthermore, while external factors may constitute the main component of male attractiveness, they are not the main component of female attractiveness. The public matchmaking market, like parent-mediated matchmaking, shares this flaw of failing to grasp the essence of the matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In public matchmaking markets, what people focus on are still the so-called \u201cconditions,\u201d while almost completely ignoring inner qualities of character. When an agent says someone has \u201cgood conditions,\u201d they invariably mean that the person\u2019s parents have pensions, they work in a state-owned enterprise or a foreign company, their annual salary is such-and-such, and their educational credential is such-and-such. Looks are seldom discussed, and personality at most gets praised in extremely abstract terms\u2014let alone any other inner qualities. Thus the situation you encounter in the public matchmaking market is that you become interested in someone only because you are interested in their \u201cconditions\u201d\u2014the attributes of a commodity\u2014rather than in the person themselves. But the problem is: you are marrying a person, not purchasing a commodity. You only learn what they look like after adding the agent on WeChat, and you can only learn about their inner qualities after meeting\u2014by which time it is often too late. Therefore the public matchmaking market faces the same problem as dating apps: you add a great many contacts, yet can hardly move any of them forward. And since a dating app is, after all, just an app, the cost of ending up in this situation is lower.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On dating apps you can at least see the other person\u2019s appearance\u2014even if it may be beautified to varying degrees\u2014but in public matchmaking markets it\u2019s impossible to see photos. That truly is unbelievable! Because for both men and women, looks are, logically, the very first factor considered (men in particular consider women\u2019s looks), yet in the public matchmaking market you can\u2019t see them at all. From this perspective, seeking a partner here is no different from the blind men and the elephant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another issue here: some ads and contacts are handled by parents. To let your parents take care of what may be the most important matter of your life, rather than taking full control yourself, is absolutely irresponsible toward your own life. And even if parents are very enthusiastic about it, if the child only cooperates reluctantly, the efficiency of the public matchmaking market will be even lower\u2014because the principal has merely sent a proxy into the market.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most importantly, once you enter the public matchmaking market, unless a miracle occurs, you are basically saying farewell to the possibility of romantic love. Because marriage is happier and more meaningful when founded on romantic love, entering the public matchmaking market not only costs money and is inefficient; it also deprives you of one of life\u2019s vital experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In recent years, the likes of Eva Illouz and Chizuko Ueno have kept repeating in our ears clich\u00e9s about the \u201cend of love\u201d in capitalist societies or the \u201cideology of romantic love.\u201d I suggest that these left-wing sociologists pay a visit to the internationally famous attraction that is the Shanghai Marriage Market, then go back and think again about what leads to the end of love and what the end of love looks like\u2014and consider which commodifies people more: certain traditional cultures, or capitalism.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What many Chinese people may not know is that the Shanghai Marriage Market is internationally famous, and it\u2019s a spot many foreign travelers to Shanghai make a point of visiting. It has a detailed English Wikipedia entry, yet not even a Chinese one. Several English-language travel sites have written how-to guides for visiting it. There are also numerous videos about it on YouTube. \u2014By contrast, Chinese tourists rarely think of paying it a special visit. If you want to go, you should arrive on a weekend between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. As long as you enter at the right time through Gate 5 of People\u2019s Park (near People\u2019s Square […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":139,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-criticism"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/DSC_102020250119.jpg?w=1920&resize=1920,1280&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":32,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/tiktok-is-bad-but-rednote-is-even-worse\/","url_meta":{"origin":137,"position":0},"title":"TikTok is Bad, but REDNote is Even Worse","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"01\/14\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"In response to a possible upcoming on TikTok in the USA, many young Americans are now flocking to REDNote. The saying goes that between two evils, people should choose the lesser one, but now they seem to be choosing the bigger one. Concerns about TikTok are understandable. It does indeed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Technology"","block_context":{"text":"Technology","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/rednote.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/rednote.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/rednote.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/rednote.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/rednote.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/rednote.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":99,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/is-china-a-collectivist-society-or-an-atomized-one\/","url_meta":{"origin":137,"position":1},"title":"Is China a Collectivist Society or an Atomized One?","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"04\/11\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Is China a collectivist society or an atomized one? As I was reading through various academic papers, I noticed some scholars still describe China as a collectivist society, while others have already picked up on its growing atomization. On online forums and insightful blogs, it's rare to find anyone still\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cultural Criticism"","block_context":{"text":"Cultural Criticism","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/cultural-criticism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/social-atomisation.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/social-atomisation.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/social-atomisation.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/social-atomisation.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/social-atomisation.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i3.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/social-atomisation.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":150,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/raising-children-can-be-seen-as-humanitys-most-common-selfless-act\/","url_meta":{"origin":137,"position":2},"title":"Raising Children Can Be Seen as Humanity\u2019s Most Common Selfless Act","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"10\/25\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Ever since there have been human beings, we have, like other animals, reproduced without pause. In most cultures, raising children functions almost like an auto-program installed in the brain. Genuine reflection on parenting itself may be largely a modern development, and a scientific understanding of it has only really emerged\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Philosophy"","block_context":{"text":"Philosophy","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/philosophy\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/parenthood-images.jpg?w=1200&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":146,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/capitalism-is-the-best-era-for-romantic-love-and-where-erich-fromms-the-art-of-loving-goes-wrong\/","url_meta":{"origin":137,"position":3},"title":"Capitalism Is the Best Era for Romantic Love \u2014 and Where Erich Fromm\u2019s The Art of Loving Goes Wrong","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"10\/04\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"For people on the Left, nothing seems easier than sitting in one\u2019s study, nightcap on, brooding over the defects of capitalism and posting lofty takes on social media. I could do that too, but playing the cynic isn\u2019t really my style. The dramatic collapse of communism in the Soviet Union\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cultural Criticism"","block_context":{"text":"Cultural Criticism","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/cultural-criticism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Erich_Fromm_1974.jpg?w=1920&resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":142,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/lacan-in-the-matchmaking-ad-postmodernism-and-feminism-through-the-lens-of-costly-signaling-theory\/","url_meta":{"origin":137,"position":4},"title":"Lacan in the Matchmaking Ad: Postmodernism and Feminism Through the Lens of Costly Signaling Theory","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"09\/29\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"One day, I happened to see a WeChat Offical account post a matchmaking ad for a young woman. For various reasons of relevance, I clicked in with interest. Three things caught my eye: first, she required the man to provide a marital home in Shanghai; second, she refused premarital sex.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cultural Criticism"","block_context":{"text":"Cultural Criticism","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/cultural-criticism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/Peacock_Flying.jpg?w=1920&resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":154,"url":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/why-the-right-to-privacy-matters\/","url_meta":{"origin":137,"position":5},"title":"Why the Right to Privacy Matters","author":"Stephen Leng","date":"11\/02\/2025","format":false,"excerpt":"In China, \u201crights\u201d are not, for many people, a particularly important idea\u2014let alone the right to privacy. Even when people realize their privacy has been violated, it\u2019s hard for them to think, \u201cone of my rights is being infringed,\u201d rather than merely, \u201cmy feelings are hurt.\u201d In my view, there\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Cultural Criticism"","block_context":{"text":"Cultural Criticism","link":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/category\/cultural-criticism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/right-to-privacy.png?w=1600&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/right-to-privacy.png?w=1600&resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/right-to-privacy.png?w=1600&resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/right-to-privacy.png?w=1600&resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/right-to-privacy.png?w=1600&resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/my-img.stephenleng.com\/right-to-privacy.png?w=1600&resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=137"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137\/revisions\/138"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/139"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stephenleng.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}